Know Your Meta
by Redhazard
Summary: [One-Shot] Bakugou had always been a smart kid. He understood the inner workings of the universe. That was how he knew someone like him could never be the main character. Crack.


**Credit to Jomasten from Spacebattles for the original idea. Anyway, don't take this seriously.**

xXx

Know your Meta

xXx

Bakugou was a smart kid. He knew it, not only because everyone said it, but also because all the other kids were dumb as bricks. If that was the standard, then surely he was some kind of once in a generation super prodigy. He had top grades, his Quirk was amazing, and he was even more physically fit than the others. In the land of the blind, Bakugou was the guy with 20/20 vision and access to the Hubble Space Telescope.

That meant he was the type of guy who could never become a main character.

Bakugou understood how the universe worked. Maybe a couple of decades ago, his immense talent would have landed him the main character spot. However, this was the era of easy self-insertion. Confidence was a sin. Talent was heresy. People needed some hopeless pathetic loser to relate to. Someone who would find a way to struggle even with the most unfair of powers!

In other words, Deku.

Bakugou suspected it from the start and knew it for a fact once Izuku was revealed to be Quirkless. Deku was slow, uncoordinated, and utterly without merit. That made him the perfect main character.

Which meant that Bakugou, all-around perfect guy, was _supporting cast_.

xXx

"Kacchan, why?!"

"EAT EXPLOSIONS AND DIE!"

xXx

After handling the revelation with the appropriate level of maturity for a little kid, Bakugou had time to come to terms with his position in the grand scheme of things. Okay, so he wasn't the main character. He could deal with that. It wasn't the end of the world.

If Deku was the main character, then securing his position in the narrative was only a matter of making himself relevant enough in Deku's life.

Bakugou could try being Deku's friend, but friends of the main character were wimps who inevitably got left behind. Plus, he hated Deku's guts for stealing his main character spot. There was no way he was going to play nice with him. No, Bakugou had a far better plan in mind.

He was going to be a rival.

No, fuck that, he was going to be THE rival!

And if he had to beat Deku's ass a couple of times a week to make sure it stuck, well, that was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

xXx

"Kacchan, no!"

"Fuck you, I do what I want!"

xXx

There were moments in which Bakugou almost doubted his extensive knowledge of the inner workings of the universe. They were few and far in between, but they were there. They made Bakugou feel uncomfortable. Doubt was not something he was used to. Doubt was for wimps, losers, and Dekus. Still, as the years passed and Deku kept being Deku, Bakugou found it increasingly harder to be certain of his importance in the narrative.

Was it possible that maybe Deku wasn't the main character? Had Bakugou just been beating the shit out of an annoying little shit instead of an important little shit?

Could he actually be wrong? Was that a thing that could happen?

Then Bakugou saw weak-ass Deku throw a ball over seven hundred meters away and all his doubts were cleared. Of course, Deku got a stupidly strong Quirk out of nowhere. Main characters had all the luck.

He was a fool for ever doubting himself.

xXx

It didn't make any sense.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to go!

"How the fuck are you so bad at this?" Bakugou roared as he slammed Deku against the floor.

"Why are you so ang-Gah!" Izuku's words were replaced by a cry of pain as Bakugou's fist drove all the air out of his lungs.

"Seriously, why the fuck are you so weak with such a stupidly overpowered ability?" Bakugou asked, actually taking the time to stop fighting. "Do you even Main Character? Everyone cheers for the underdog, but no one cares for losers! Do you want the ratings to go down? In today's competitive market, one wrong move means cancellation! How am I supposed to get a spin-off if no one is reading!"

Deku panted as he slowly stood up. There was only one thing he could say to his longtime... Deku would like to say friend, but Kacchan would get angry if he did.

"Kacchan, why are you so weird?"

xXx

As Aizawa, the most unmotivated teacher ever, droned on about stuff no one really cared about, Bakugou's mind wrestled with an important problem.

His class was full of extras.

That didn't make sense. Bakugou could understand it in middle-school. Obviously, the plot hadn't kicked in yet. Everyone there was just another extra. Background characters that needed no depth. However, this was UA. This was the top Hero school of the country. This was supposed to be a big deal. Deku had even gotten his main character power already, so there was no way the plot hadn't kicked off.

So why the fuck were they all so fucking bland?

Well, maybe not everyone. The four-eyes was fine in that he at least fulfilled a common enough archetype. The crow and the shorty with those weird things on his head barely passed. The design of the pink girl was eye-catching if nothing else, and ponytail had big boobs so that was something. The rest, though?

100% background characters.

Fuck, his old class had more interesting designs and Quirks. Class A had what? Lightning you couldn't control? Hardening? Sugar-powered strength? A fucking tail? Was this for real? How the fuck had these losers gotten past the entrance exam?

Fuck, even their teacher had some truly shit-tier design.

What type of cringy-ass motherfucker wore black pajamas in public?

Bakugou sighed.

Maybe he had to resign himself to them never being relevant. Maybe he and Deku were the only ones who mattered in the class. Bakugou thought about it and nodded.

Yeah, that sounded about right.

xXx

Todoroki and Bakugou stared at each other across the arena. Well, Todoroki stared. Bakugou glared with enough intensity to make babies and puppies cry.

"I know what you are trying to do, you fucker." Bakugou declared with a fierce scowl on his face. "You think you can just appear out of nowhere and take the Rival spot from me? You think I'm going to let that happen?"

To that Todoroki only had one thing to say.

"What?"

"Too late to play innocent, checkerboard face! You just fucking waltz in here with your scarred face, bullshit powers, and tragic backstory! Then you actually beat that shithead Deku? Well, fuck that shit! I was here first. I worked hard for my spot. Do you think I made Deku eat bugs just for kicks?"

Up in the audience, Deku whimpered as he recalled the event in question.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Todoroki said, now more than a little weirded out. Midoriya had warned him Bakugou could be a little odd, but this went beyond his expectations.

"I bet Vegeta told the same fucking thing to Piccolo."

"I don't think I have much in common with Vegeta," Todoroki replied. He had always been more of a Piccolo guy. "If anyone here is Vegeta, it's you."

"Damn fucking right, I am! Now, tell me if this looks like the real thing provided you don't get fucking obliterated: FINAL FLASH!"

As Todoroki created massive amounts of ice to block incoming explosion, he couldn't help but think it really did look like a Final Flash.

Some people had all the luck.

xXx

Ochako pretended very hard she wasn't bothered by the way Mei was touching Deku. She pretended very hard, but she wasn't very good at it. Bakugou sighed.

"You don't have anything to worry about."

"W-What? No. I wasn't…" Ochako looked at Mei than back at Bakugou. "You think?"

Bakugou nodded. "I'm positive. If anyone is the main heroine here, it's you."

Ochako smiled. For all his little oddities, Bakugou could be surprisingly nice sometimes.

"I mean, sure, she is way more useful than you because she can make a shit-ton of gadgets. Her personality definitely stands out more, and let's not even start on that figure."

Ochako's smile turned brittle.

"However, that's the problem. She stands out too much. A main heroine has to be bland and inoffensive. Can you imagine Deku dating someone like that? No fucking way. He would collapse just from trying to make small talk."

Her smile shattered into a million pieces.

"You are saying I am bland and inoffensive?"

"I was pretty sure you already knew."

"Bakugou, I feel a strong urge to practice Gunhead Martial Arts on someone. Please spar with me. No Quirks allowed."

Bakugou blinked. "You know I am going to kick your ass either way, right?"

Ochako went for his throat.

xXx

It had finally happened.

Bakugou had been captured by villains.

Even though he was tied to a chair, he glared defiantly at them. "You fuckers are crazy if you think I am joining you."

"Now, now, don't say things like that," Shigaraki Tomura said while trying his best to sound smooth. Since he was a NEET, his best wasn't anywhere close to smooth. It was just kind of creepy. "I am sure we have plenty of things in common. You like to win, don't you?"

"Who the fuck doesn't?" Bakugou snapped. "That's exactly why I'm not joining you. If a Rival character like me joins the bad guys, it's obvious I'm going to be defeated in the end."

"Ah, but you forget a face-heel turns means your odds of defeating the Main Character at least once increase to near-certainty just to establish how much of a threat you are," Shigaraki countered, much to Bakugou's surprise. "Doesn't that sound worth it?"

Bakugou narrowed his eyes.

"Nice try, but no. Sure, I'll beat him once, but it guarantees he will decisively beat me in the end. I'll come out of the experience with new appreciation and respect for that shithead Deku. Ain't no way in hell I'm going through that shit."

"And you think the pure Rival route will bring you that victory? Don't be naive, Bakugou Katsuki!"

"If I leverage my development flags properly, I can get one win! After that, I just need to run with it and never fight him head-on again."

"Is that so?"

"Damn right, it is!"

Two glared at each other. One thought running through their heads.

 _This guy is good._

Toga sighed. "These guys are morons."

xXx

 **AN: Yeah. that was a thing I wrote. Like I said, don't take it seriously. Chronologically, the scene with Ochako takes places after the scene with Shiggy, but the scene with Shiggy made for a better ending.**


End file.
